I’ve been hearing this question in various contexts related
to personal growth for 20 years now, as I’m sure many of you have, too. From
the beginning I got the basic meaning of it – when in a conflict, being right
does not lead to happiness. Holding on to the need to be right creates strife
in relationships.
Today I discovered a deeper meaning: if a belief I hold creates
unhappiness, then do I want to stick by it no matter what (i.e. be right), or
examine its value and consider changing it (so that I can be happy)? What is
the right thing to do? Am I wrong if I decide to trade in that belief for something
that makes me happier?
Let’s say you are a single woman, and would like to be
married. If you believe that all the good men are taken, then you’re going to
be pretty unhappy! Plus, since we tend to notice what supports our beliefs, you’re
going to notice all the great men who are married. If, instead, you choose to believe
that there are lots of good men available you will be hopeful, and you will
start noticing all the great single men.
But, you may say, what if you are right? What if all the
good men are taken? My question to you would be how does believing that help
you? Does it change your marital status? Does it get you what you want in any
way? I guess you can feel smug that you are “right.” But other than that it is
not a helpful belief.
And here’s where the question “would you rather be right or
happy?” comes in. If you’re willing to give up your attachment to being right,
and start entertaining the idea that there are lots of good single men
available to you, then you’re much more likely to find one!
What are some beliefs you have that don’t serve any
purpose other than to make you feel bad? Now is the perfect time to find a
belief that supports what you want, and then start noticing all the evidence to
support it!
206-792-9912
206-792-9912
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